Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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