so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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