I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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