Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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