dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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