she smelled like a LAN party
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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