You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
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Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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