Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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