Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize