at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
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i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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