...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm jealous of your bromance
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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