I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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