okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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