theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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