just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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