how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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