Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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