at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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