the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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