i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You've changed since you got that strap on
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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