I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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