The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize