I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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