There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
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I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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