i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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She even gives head with a lisp.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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