dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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