Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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