Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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