my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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