What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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