you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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