why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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