Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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