What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
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Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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