Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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