Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
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no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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