Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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