the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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