The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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