I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
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2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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