Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize