Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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