My hair reeks of homosexuality.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
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MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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