i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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