its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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