lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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