Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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