she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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