so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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