you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
bring money and cleavage
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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